As Action Mental Health continues to mark Eating Disorder Awareness Week, the dedicated team from our specialist eating disorder service AMH everyBODY today offers useful tools on how to help someone you love cope with their disorder.
By offering patience, and reassurance, while listening without judgement, you can help people feel less alone as they journey through the frightening stages of their eating disorder.
Listen to them without judgement
It can be frustrating to see someone you love struggling and not fully understand. Be aware that part of BED is feelings of guilt and shame, so recognise how difficult it may be for your loved one to open up. Create a safe space for them to do so, pick an environment they are comfortable in and perhaps on a 1 to 1 basis. Use “I” statements so that your observations don’t come across as accusatory “I have noticed you’ve withdrawn a bit recently, how have you been feeling?” Show compassion for their experience and validate their feelings.
Be aware of your own language around food and weight and try to remain neutral and non-stigmatising
BED can have a lot of shame and stigma attached to it, so approach it sensitively. Don’t focus on weight or how much they are eating, make sure the focus is on their mental health and how they are feeling. Try not to use negative language around your own body or eating as this could lead to them feeling shame around their own body and eating habits.
Be patient
Eating disorders are complex and it is more than likely an eating disorder didn’t develop overnight and may take some time to recover from. Recovery is not linear, and there will be bumps along the way. Check in regularly with your loved one you are supporting but also respect their boundaries and understand that they may not always be able to talk.
Avoid Assumptions
What we see about eating disorders in the media are very narrow, it’s important to remember that eating disorders do not have a look. Listen to the person you love, believe them when they talk about their struggles and above all don’t dismiss or belittle their experience if it doesn’t fit a stereotypical image of what you think an eating disorder is. It can be helpful to do research from reputable sources like Beat and BodyWhys on what BED is and how it impacts a person.
Avoid offering solutions
It can be natural to want to help and “fix” things but offering solutions may feel like pressure to your loved one and it’s important to understand that their eating disorder has served as a coping mechanism and will require targeted support to move away from. Keep the onus on their feelings and what they would like in terms of support. Offer to be there along the way and let them know they don’t have to do anything alone.
Encourage and Reassure
Your role is not to recover for your loved one, it is to be there and offer unconditional support through their recovery. Below are some supportive phrases that will be helpful during recovery.
Our case study from someone who has been assisted along their journey with an eating disorder by AMH everybody, also shows that help is available – you can get better.
To add a bit of context this lady’s experience is slightly different as she did first experience comfort eating (which is completely different than binge eating disorder and can be a part of normal eating at times). However due to life events that she has mentioned – grief, relationship break down, loneliness and post-partum body dissatisfaction, binge eating disorder developed as the only coping mechanism to deal with all of these difficulties, and what once served as a comfort became distressing and felt out of control.
Growing up we never had a lot of sugary foods in the house, penguin bars or club bars to eat with lunch in school was the height of it. Going to friends houses I was always amazed at the amount of chocolate and crisps they had in the cupboard and they had no interest in them at all, meanwhile I’m salivating and hoping they’ll say “do you want something to eat?”
In high school we had a tuck shop filled with all things colourful and delicious but I never was given money going to school, I had a packed lunch and that was enough to keep my body fuelled. We were not poor or anything my parents worked hard, they were savers and with 5 siblings at home handing out lunch money everyday was never going to happen. So, I had to get money from somewhere I wanted to go to the tuck shop, I started taking money from my older brothers’ room, loose change lying around, he wouldn’t miss it. This continued for a long time, I was getting my chocolate and my brother wasn’t noticing his money going missing. Until he did.
I was old enough now to get a part time job. I was 15 and earning £2.90 an hour. I had no bills to pay or responsibilities. I could get what I wanted. For a few years I went to school/tech, walked to a music class, walked to teach a dance class and then worked from 5-9. On my way home I would stop at a shop and buy £5 worth of chocolate and a fizzy drink go home and eat lying in my bed watching the TV. I would lie to my mum and tell her I had dinner in work because I didn’t want a full on a plate of potatoes, meat and veg, I wanted my chocolate.
I’m 31 now and I can finally see and understand that I have a binge eating disorder. For years I thought I just had a bad diet and loved chocolate which is true. I do love food and it has been a source of comfort for me for half my life. When I was pregnant, I couldn’t drink or smoke but that was ok because I could eat.
After my daughter was born someone very close to my heart was diagnosed with cancer and my 6-year relationship broke down. My life was upside down. I had no fight left in me, I hated my post baby body, I didn’t look the same in skirts as I did before and I felt so alone, my friends had disappeared. They continued with their own lives, going on nights out, weekend trips and I was at home with the baby and a sick parent. The only thing I could control and the only thing that gave me joy was food. I was eating all the time, multi packs of chocolate, cookies anything I could sneak into the house. I would find excuses to go to the shop just so I could get more.
I can’t remember why but one day I made an appointment to see my GP, while sitting in his surgery I cried and cried and told him about my eating habits and I needed help. He was so supportive, not at all what I expected after telling him my dark secrets. I thought I was heading for counselling. I was nervous about counselling, I had been before, I mentioned my eating habits and I was criticised and judged so I never went back and felt I would never be able to speak about it again. A few months passed after visiting my GP and I got a call from AMH everyBODY.
I had my first session; it was the exact opposite of what I was expecting. It wasn’t counselling at all. I was meeting with a support worker. What did I need a support worker for, I don’t have a disorder? I thought I would continue with the sessions because it was something to keep me going until I got to counselling. I have been going to sessions now for a few months and it has changed my life. My support worker has worked very hard with me, she has been understanding, supportive, encouraging and never once judged me. She has helped me to see food all as one colour, she has shown me that I have a choice.
No longer do I restrict myself; I don’t have the Sunday night blues and promise myself every Monday I am going on a diet which I would fail at and hate myself even more. I no longer panic when I go to the shop and buy chocolate because I know I have a balance of food in the trolly. I enjoy cooking again. I have the ability to listen to my body and hear what it needs.
I still have my urges for a binge but with the help of my support worker I now have the tools to help me through and the urge 90% of the time passes. I still have issues with my body image but that is something that my support worker and I plan to work on next. I have no doubt that in time I will be able to love my body and appreciate all it has come through.
I never expected to receive the help I did from my support worker. I have never felt so safe telling a complete stranger my darkest secrets. I finally feel free.
If you live in the Southern Health Trust Area you can contact the AMH everyBODY Team – T: 028 3839 2314 or E: [email protected]
Under the spotlight during Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2021
In the year we all went into another lockdown, the incidence of binge eating disorder (BED) has gone up – just as the restrictions curtailed people’s activities, BED spiked because it is a disorder that particularly thrives in isolation.
As individuals were forced to isolate themselves from friends, family, work colleagues and almost all public interaction, it caused fractures in the support networks relied upon by people with eating disorders.
As Action Mental Health marks Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2021 – with a focus on BED – Deborah McCready, project worker with the charity’s specialist eating disorder service, AMH everyBODY gives an insight into how BED flourished in lockdown.
“In the backdrop of a pandemic, it’s significant that eating disorders thrive in isolation and it’s the one thing that we have all been forced into in the past year,” she explained. “We have all been more isolated and we are all finding that our normal coping mechanisms may have changed and that we have had to get more creative to develop new ways of coping. We haven’t been able to go out to chat with friends or get out into fresh air or pursue the hobbies that would have kept us well.
“Any eating disorder is a mental health condition; it’s a way of coping with difficult or distressing situations in life so it’s a coping mechanism and at the minute things have increased where our stress and anxiety have increased and the one that that is readily available for people to have some control over is food, so that’s why it has increased eating disorder during the pandemic.
“There are misconceptions that it’s young people but it’s a mental health condition so can affect people from every single walk of life and they have no particular look, shape or size. They are as diverse as the people they affect.”
The rest is best left to those whose daily battle with their binge eating disorder has been vastly improved by the intervention of AMH everyBODY.
Tips for Coping
Case study one
One man’s struggle to be seen and truly heard
Binge eating disorder is exhausting. Not only are you battling your own thoughts and feelings, that inner critic in your head (the eating disorder voice that often triggers a binge) but then there’s also the shame from medical professionals, family and friends that this is something you’re choosing to do to yourself. I was so lucky that I had a very compassionate GP who was able to signpost me to your service for support. That hasn’t always been the case though. I’ve lost count the amount of times over the years I’ve tried to speak about my struggles with binge eating disorder, only to be given weight loss advice. One GP gave me a leaflet for Slimming World and told me to keep the foods I binge on out of the house.
It’s felt like people just see a man in a larger body and that’s all they see. They see my weight before they see me. I know now that the weight stigma has delayed my access to treatment and support that I would have received if I had the very same symptoms but was in a smaller body. Feeling dismissed and shamed for my weight only left me further isolated and increased my binge behaviours. The very diets that were being prescribed to me led my binge eating disorder to spiral out of control. I was absolutely miserable and felt like I was failing at very corner, whilst constantly having to justify that I even deserved support. The harder I tried to diet, the bigger and more catastrophic the binge, and the more intense the feelings of shame after, and the cycle continued like that for a number of years.
From my very first meeting with AMH everyBODY I was treated like a human being. I was asked more about my feelings, what else was going on in my life, at no point at all during our whole support have I ever felt judged, I wasn’t reduced to a number on a scale. I can’t even begin to describe what that alone has done to remove the shame, and in turn reduce my bingeing. The biggest turning point for me was taking shifting the focus completely away from weight and instead looking at health behaviours, things like being able to express and communicate my feelings with my family. Looking at ways I can manage stress and the environments that can be triggers.
I was also encouraged to start to learn to tune in and listen to my body, to learn to identify hunger and fullness cues, move away from rules and restrictions around food and also reframe some of my critical thinking. I found joy in walking again, previously I viewed exercise or movement as pressure and was only successful if I was focusing on weight loss or numbers. When I started to focus on how my body actually felt and that walking was a time for me to relieve stress, I started to get so much joy from it. It didn’t feel like pressure. I was learning to tap in to and trust and listen to my body.
My advice to anyone supporting a person with binge eating disorder is to listen to them without judgement. The shame of binge eating disorder sits so heavy on your shoulders and when you’re met with support and understanding, when people see you as a whole person that’s when you start to recover.
Case study two
BED is like a ‘bully in your own head’
“I can’t quite remember just exactly when my experience with binge eating disorder began, but from early childhood I’ve felt a deep shame about my body. My first experience of body shame was during P.E in school. I was left out of team sports because my body was bigger than the others so assumed that I couldn’t be as good at the sports. I was picked last and during hockey matches I was overlooked and dismissed. I felt completely invisible. Everybody else thought my body was wrong, so it wasn’t long before I just stopped trying. The shame others made me feel about my body made me just want to hide myself away, and that’s exactly what I did. That’s when food became my comfort, my distraction from the deep feelings of self-loathing I had been taught about my body. We aren’t born believing our bodies are wrong, that’s something we learn from others and that body dissatisfaction was just one of the reasons behind nearly two decades of binge eating disorder.
I was probably about 12 when I started my first diet. Of course this only made things worse. My obsession with those numbers was anything but healthy. The stress and shame over my body became all consuming. Before others made me feel like my body was wrong and the shame started I actually felt like I probably was quite healthy. Healthy in the sense that I had no feelings of self- hatred, I wasn’t binge eating, I did actually enjoy sports and I was certainly less stressed. My silence and isolation became a prison. My shame was an iron gate keeping me trapped. Any time I felt any form of pain, I binged.
I was overlooked for a promotion in work, I binged. I fought with family, I binged. I felt shamed at a doctors appointment, I binged. My marriage broke down, I binged. I binged any time I dealt with pain to temporarily numb myself, but then the disgust I would feel after started the whole process all over again. Living with an eating disorder is like having a bully in your head waiting for you to trip up, offering you a solution to ease the distress but then making you feel bad for “giving in.”
For years I didn’t tell anyone about my binge eating disorder because honestly I didn’t even realise it was recognised as a serious eating disorder until I saw something shared online. An article that spoke about it not being a choice, that it wasn’t about greed or lack of will power or just eating too much. That it was a mental health condition and that a binge felt out of control. That’s exactly how I felt, it was almost like an out of body experience and felt so distressing because I felt powerless and unable to stop. I didn’t enjoy or even taste food during a binge.
In fact, my relationship with food because so disordered that I couldn’t even remember the last time I fully enjoyed or felt satisfied with food. What I’d like people to understand about binge eating disorder is that it is never really about the food. For me it was all about how I felt, and I didn’t know how to deal with any of those feelings, or deal with any early trauma.
Talking helps. It so scary to speak up, especially if you’re apprehensive about being believed but if you are suffering in silence you deserve support and every time you start talking you take away some of that shame. You take the power away from your eating disorder.
Because of the support I’m receiving from AMH everyBODY I feel free. I feel lighter in my head. Now I don’t feel pushed in any way to do things, because of other people’s choices. I’ve been able to switch off from hating myself and actually start to see that actually I do have a lot of strengths that I just hadn’t been paying any attention to. I feel like I can cope a bit better, and have hope that I can continue to find myself.
If you live in the Southern Health Trust Area you can contact the AMH everyBODY Team – T: 028 3839 2314 or E: [email protected]
Joe came to us via Andrea Warwick at AMH New Horizons Lisburn back in February of 2020.
AMH’s and our aim was to provide a work placement which would give Joe a chance to get back out into the work environment, doing something he enjoyed at a pace that suited him.
We had several initial meetings with Andrea, and then with both Andrea and Joe to gauge what he wanted from the work placement and to discuss what we might be able to offer him. Andrea was very informative and this enabled us to make a decision very quickly that we could offer a placement to Joe through AMH.
Our companies cover a wide variety of businesses so we discussed with Joe the variety of duties he could be asked to assist with.
With all agreements and paperwork in place, we moved forward with the placement and Joe started with us, carrying out Action Mental Health’s Induction Checklist on his first day.
Joe fitted in with the rest of the team very quickly and we made sure that we regularly touched base with him both in the early stages of the placement, and throughout the entirety of the placement, to make sure he felt comfortable and was enjoying it.
He very soon became a very valuable member of our team and his varied skill set was particularly suited to our Antiques and Restoration business.
Action Mental Health and in particular Andrea Warwick, have been very supportive of both ourselves and Joe throughout this time and made a point of coming in regularly to meet with Joe and us to monitor progress. When face to face meetings had to stop due to the pandemic Andrea ensured she kept regular contact via phone and email.
The placement is due to end in February 2021 but we are delighted to say that we have found it to be a huge success and of huge benefit. It has been nothing but a positive experience. We are now engaging in discussions with Joe to come up with a paid contract that will suit both him and ourselves and we have no doubt it will be a successful pairing moving forward into the future.
I would encourage any business to link in with AMH New Horizons and see what benefits their work placement program can bring to them and others.
Many thanks to the team at On the Square Emporium. The Action Mental Health ‘Working it Out’ project is part-funded through the NI European Social Fund Programme 2014-20 and the Department for the Economy.
If you would be interested in providing a placement please get in touch!
It is estimated that approximately 1.25 million people in the UK are affected by an eating disorder with an estimated 18,000 and 20,000 individuals living with an eating disorder in Northern Ireland at any one time. That person might be you, your sibling, your parent, child, neighbour – anyone.
This year, Action Mental Health marks Eating Disorder Awareness Week 2021 during the unprecedented times of a pandemic, when one particular illness has been on the rise – Binge Eating Disorder (BED). It is estimated that one in fifty people experience Binge Eating Disorder.
Fittingly, Eating Disorder Awareness Week this year focuses on Binge Eating Disorder and how it has thrived in the isolation Covid-19 has enforced on society, when sufferers have been denied their usual coping mechanisms and support networks.
Among Action Mental Health’s myriad services is its own specialist eating disorder service AMH everyBODY. Serving people with eating disorders in the Southern Health and Social Care Trust (SHSCT) area, its team are this week sharing their expertise and guidance on coping with an eating disorder to everyone.
Seen as a ‘lifeline’ by the clients, AMH everyBODY not only supports service users, in partnership with the SHSCT, but also their families, who are often left feeling helpless and unsure how to help their loved ones in need.
Statistics show that eating disorders claim more lives than any other mental illness, with one in five of the most seriously affected dying prematurely from the physical consequences or by suicide.
AMH everyBODY promotes a greater understanding and awareness of eating disorders, promotes positive lifestyle choices in people about eating to develop preventative, self-supporting skills and break the associated stigma.
Often, unhelpful assumptions that eating disorders are merely attention-seeking behaviour or fad dieting is what stops people seeking the support they need – having an eating disorder is a serious mental health condition.
“The focus of Action Mental Health everyBODY’s approach is recovery through partnership; a partnership between the person, their family and the SHSCT, who, in working collectively, will provide comprehensive support towards recovery. AMH everyBODY provides much needed support not only to the person affected but also to their families and friends at the very popular Carers’ Group monthly meeting – which is currently online.
“AMH everyBODY exists to bridge the gap on the clients’ journey from the moment they seek help until they eventually get to speak to a medical expert, as with existing waiting lists this can be a long time.
“When people have taken that important step and are willing to engage and seek help AMH everyBODY offers a recovery approach in sessions when people will receive information and support to develop skills, stay focused and healthy until they see a therapist.”
Prior to appointments people can feel unsupported and alone, contact with AMH everyBODY at this time will help people support themselves and get the best from their therapist when they meet.
Eating disorders affect over 700,000 women and men in the UK at any one time, with research suggesting that this figure is vastly underestimated. It is thought some 80% of individuals who screen positively for having an eating disorder have never accessed help or support. One of the most harmful symptoms of an eating disorder is silence – AMH everyBODY encourages people affected to speak out for support and know that a listening, understanding and confidential ear will be there to provide support towards recovery.
AMH everyBODY Manager, Colin Loughran said:
“This is a very practical model and one that could be used as a model of best practice throughout Northern Ireland. There is a significant shortfall in support services for people experiencing eating disorder and their families, prior to patients being seen by clinicians.”
If you live in the Southern Health Trust Area you can contact the AMH everyBODY Team – T: 028 3839 2314 or E: [email protected]
A gift of any size, really will make a difference. Will to Give Week 2021.
During Will to Give Week 22nd – 26th February 2021 and beyond, we are encouraging our friends old and new to consider leaving a gift in their Will to support the vital work of Action Mental Health. You really will be leaving a legacy of hope.
One in five of us will experience a mental health problem at some point in our lives, and your support will make a tremendous difference to the people that we support, across Northern Ireland.
Now more than ever, during these very uncertain times, we are planning for the future of the charity. We are adapting and evolving our work to meet the changing needs of the Northern Ireland public.
Whilst we don’t know what the future holds we do know that the services we provide can and do have life changing impacts for local people. We want those services to be there for future generations.
Writing your Will and keeping it up to date is something we should all do and we ask that after you have considered the needs of family and friends that you consider leaving a gift to Action Mental Health.
By planning your Will and making this special commitment, you will help us as a charity as we look to the years ahead and plan for the changing face of the world we live in.
You can find out more about leaving a gift in your Will and also download our Gifts in Wills leaflet by clicking the link below:
Action Mental Health’s well-being and resilience training for young people has been hailed as integral to an award clinched by the South Eastern Regional College (SERC).
AMH MensSana’s Mindset programme, which is funded by the Public Health Agency, was delivered to students and staff, helping to offset and alleviate some of the particular challenges of the past year. Mindset enables the charity to reach out and support young people and adults in the community, to maintain positive emotional well-being and build resilience, as well as teaching the telltale signs of what to look out for in others’.”
SERC, which has campuses in Bangor, Newtownards and Downpatrick, secured a WorldSkills UK Diversity and Inclusion Heroes Award for Network of the Year. The college received the award in the large employer category in a virtual ceremony on January 28.
The college received the award for its work to ensure an inclusive learning environment across its campuses and in recognition of its commitment to ‘promoting and supporting diverse and inclusive practices and celebrate those making a real difference’.
Pivotal to the award was the delivery to 1500 students of AMH’s Mindset programme, along with a trans-student support service and well-being recovery room.
Karen Hillis, AMH Projects Service Manager commented: “Action Mental Health is delighted to partner with SERC to deliver Mental Health Awareness programmes to both students and staff alike to ensure that student wellbeing is at the forefront of college life during what has been a particularly challenging year.
“Our ‘Mindset’ programme – funded by Public Health Agency – enables us to reach out and support young people and adults in the community to maintain positive emotional wellbeing and build resilience as well as know what to look out for in others’.”
In 2018, SERC was nominated in Action Mental Health’s inaugural Head First Awards in the category ‘Championing Young People’s Mental Health’. The nomination was secured for the college’s efforts and commitment to improving the emotional well-being and resilience of young people.
Catherine Shipman, Student Engagement Manager, SERC said the award ‘pays tribute to our staff, students, volunteers and community partners for their hard work and dedication in championing equality and diversity for our students at SERC’.
They have been busy bees in AMH New Horizons in Antrim despite lockdown! The AMH team have been out delivering Needle Felting packs to clients.
Each pack contains all the materials and equipment needed to participate in the Zoom Needle Felting classes. Current projects include a toadstool teacup garden and a picture!
There is lots of evidence about the physical and mental health benefits of taking up a craft like needle felting. Needle felting is very therapeutic and clients say it really relaxes them and clears their minds of any worries they might have (quite useful in the current circumstances), it also gives the group the opportunity to catch up and have a chat.
The process of felting requires focus and concentration, so it has an inbuilt meditative quality. This tends to bring a peaceful, calming atmosphere to the group as they work.
Joanne Adams, Skills Coach New Horizons Antrim delivering needle felting class via Zoom. Clients finished making the cap of their toadstool as the first part of project.
One client, who is new to AMH New Horizons, attended the first of a set of needle felting classes and as a result has ordered and received quite a substantial delivery of materials so he can engage in this hobby himself, in his own time at home!
We are so looking forward to seeing the results!!
Clients at AMH New Horizons Antrim take part in the ESF ‘Working It Out’ project which is part-funded by the Northern Ireland European Social Fund Programme 2014-2020, Department of Economy and Northern Health & Social Care Trust.
