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Action Mental Health’s specialist eating disorder service in the Southern Health and Social Care Trust area, AMH EveryBODY offers a monthly support group, helping family members and carers provide the best support to their loved one living with an eating disorder.
Reach out for the support you may need, don’t journey alone, AMH everyBODY is here to help, please get in touch and let us help you help yourself. As Eating Disorder Awareness Week continues, this article covers many of the themes carers experience, and offers encouragement for those in a similar situation to seek help.
Carers’ questions and concerns are outlined in the following feedback received by AMH everyBODY’s project workers:
What were some of the questions/concerns you had when you first discovered your loved one had an Eating Disorder?
“Has something happened to cause this?”
“How could I have missed this?”
“Was it anything I’ve done?”
“Could I have prevented this”
“Will they ever fully recover? When will that be?”
What do you feel would be helpful for families to have information on that might have similar questions?
“Knowing the signs and symptoms. Knowing that there are just as many symptoms that you don’t see, because we were only thinking about the physical ones and didn’t realise things like –
Could all also be signs that someone may have an Eating Disorder. It would be helpful to have more support from GP and to not just be given a leaflet or number for Lifeline but to have things explained a bit more, or be pointed in the direction of someone like AMH everyBODY who can support families. I feel what I needed most was guidance on how to approach the subject of Eating Disorders. I was always afraid of saying the wrong thing, or making things worse. Through the Carer Support group and 1 to 1 support with AMH everyBODY I have learnt how to be more direct and when it’s appropriate to challenge the Eating Disorder but also to communicate in a non-judgemental and supportive way.”
What things have helped you in supporting your loved one?
“Just having support for myself as well as my daughter. Being able to ask questions, and get more information to help me understand better. I understand that therapy needs to be confidential but as a parent it can feel like you’re left a bit in the dark so it helped having somewhere to go to like AMH everyBODY to be reassured about concerns.
It really helped having the support group to come to. Being around other families who just “got it” and understood. It made me feel more normal, like we weren’t the only people going through this. Going to the support group was also a chance to have a few hours just to myself, where I was able to speak completely freely about any fears/worries/difficulties and know I’d be met with support and understanding.
One thing AMH everyBODY and the other families taught me was that it is ok to give myself permission to recharge the batteries, to take a bit of time out if I need it.
As a mother you sometimes want to wrap them up in cotton wool and fix everything, but there is only so much you can do. It’s been a hard but valuable lesson learning that people need to want to get better for themselves, and to step back to give them that opportunity to work through things and challenge themselves. My role is to support and encourage but not to take over and get better for them.”
What has been the biggest thing you have learnt about eating disorders as a Carer?
The eating disorder is separate from the person. The eating disorder controls the thoughts your loved one has and dictates the actions. Repeated actions become habits and the habits become the rules which your loved one lives by. Your loved one is still inside and does not want to be ill and controlled by an eating disorder. Deep down they too want to be normal and live a happy life, just like everyone else, but can’t get to that place because the eating disorder has control over them.
What helps you to cope as a Carer on difficult days supporting your loved one?
Reminding myself the eating disorder is separate from the loved one. This helps me stay calm and rational and not allow my emotions to take over, which always makes the difficult days worse.
What advice would you give to other Carers and families that may be struggling in silence?
Talk to Deborah AMH everyBODY Project Worker: she really listens in a caring way and asks questions until she fully understands your unique situation without any judgement. This is the first step to getting the help and guidance to support carers and families to be there for a loved one with an eating disorder.
What has been the biggest thing you have learnt about eating disorders as a Carer?
Being there and available to call if we, the carers, need to make contact for advice.
Getting this information out there to those who do not know your services are available is very important.
Carers’ Insight
The eating disorder is separate from the person. The eating disorder controls the thoughts your loved one has and dictates the actions. Repeated actions become habits and the habits become the rules which your loved one lives by. Your loved one is still inside and does not want to be ill and controlled by an eating disorder. Deep down they too want to be normal and live a happy life, just like everyone else, but can’t get to that place because the eating disorder has control over them.
What helps you to cope as a Carer on difficult days supporting your loved one?
Reminding myself the eating disorder is separate from the loved one. This helps me stay calm and rational and not allow my emotions to take over, which always makes the difficult days worse.
What advice would you give to other Carers and families that may be struggling in silence?
Talk to Deborah (AMH), she really listens in a caring way and asks questions until she fully understands your unique situation without any judgement. This is the first step to getting the help and guidance to support carers and families to be there for a loved one with an eating disorder.
What is the most important thing families need from support services?
Being there and available to call if we, the carers, need to make contact for advice.
Getting this information out there to those who do not know your services are available is very important.