The unprecedented situation we currently find ourselves faced with is causing significant disruption to life as we know it. Although the change to normal routine is something most of us are struggling to adapt to, for someone with an eating disorder, it can invoke anxiety on a much larger scale.
As a carer, we understand this can be an extremely scary time for you too. You might be spending more time at home with your loved one and it can be extremely difficult watching them struggle. You may experience feelings of helplessness but please do not underestimate the key role you can play in supporting them through this uncertain time.
We have put together some information to give you some insight as to the thoughts/feelings your loved one might be experiencing right now. This will aid your understanding of how you can best support them and we have included our own top tips to help along the way.
Sometimes, you might feel a little out of your depth, and that’s okay, you’re still learning. If you feel you could benefit, we are currently offering telephone and online support. Please don’t be afraid to reach out by emailing either [email protected] or [email protected].
What your loved one’s eating disorder might be telling them
Eating disorders are a coping mechanism and stressful situations such as the one we find ourselves faced with at present can exacerbate behaviours as your loved one may resort to controlling the one thing they know best… FOOD. Their eating disorder might exploit the uncertainty and try working hard to convince them this is an opportunity to press pause on recovery and engage in ED behaviours.
So, what can you do to help?
CONNECTING AS A FAMILY
Social distancing, although necessary, will likely prove challenging for your loved one. After all, eating disorders typically thrive in isolation! Our daily activity has been significantly restricted and this disruption may strengthen your loved one’s exercise compulsions. Try to encourage them to stay in touch with friends and extended family over the phone and suggest doing things together as a household. Pre and post mealtimes can be particularly difficult so encouraging your loved one to join you in playing a board game or watching a film could help relieve some of their anxiety at these times.
This will also help encourage a disconnect from the media which is important as its intense coverage of the present situation can induce fear. For someone with an ED, this could potentially increase the perceived appeal of retreating to the comfort of their safety blanket (ED). It might also serve as a distraction from social media which is equally important as it is currently rife with ‘jokes’ about the impact social distancing could have on our weight. Your loved one’s ED (like society at large) will try to demonise this. You can help by trying to keep conversation neutral. AVOID discussing weight/shape around your loved one and model a balanced relationship with food.
OPEN AND HONEST CONVERSATION
Boil the kettle and have a chat with your loved one over a cuppa about the current situation. Let them know that you understand it is likely causing them great distress. Ask them what they are most afraid of and what you can do to help, reassuring them that you are here to do so in any way possible. You might want to encourage your loved one to create a coping plan for the coming weeks. This will help them to identify healthy coping strategies they can implement to overcome particularly tricky periods, perhaps including things like mindfulness, journaling their thoughts, drawing, or listening to music.
PREPARATION IS KEY
Even without the frenzy of everyone stockpiling, food shopping can be an overwhelmingly distressing experience for someone with an ED. Right now, your loved one might be fearful of not being able to find their ‘safe’ foods. You could help them come up with a Plan B (and maybe even a Plan C) as preparing for meal and/or snack changes could help lessen their anxiety.
Furthermore, in our attempts to limit trips for essential items, we tend to be buying greater quantities of food. Your loved one might find this really tricky to manage and may experience the urge to binge. Moving food to a less accessible area could help counteract this.
STRUCTURE
Having a structure to the day is crucial as your loved one will likely struggle to adapt to this much slower living pace. They might experience feelings of inadequacy as their ED will try to convince them they are being ‘lazy’ for ‘doing nothing’. Helping your loved one establish a daily routine will give them a sense of purpose and maintain some sense of normality. Try not to be too rigid though as things will inevitably crop up and it is important your loved one learns to be flexible. Part of this structure should include a regular eating routine as it can be really anxiety-provoking for someone with an ED if meal times are haphazard.
MANAGING CONFLICT
As best you can, try not to engage in confrontations about food. If tensions are high, it is usually best to walk away and resume talking when both you and your loved one have had the chance to calm down. It may be hard, but try not to take anything your loved one says too personally. Someone with an ED has a complete inability to manage their emotions and are likely to take their frustrations out on those closest to them (we’re all guilty of this now and again).
It is therefore completely understandable that you might struggle to hide your anger sometimes. If so, please don’t beat yourself up. You’re only human and it just shows how much you care! Take time afterwards to talk to your loved one so you can both explain your emotions. When you are communicating your concerns, do so using ‘I’ statements to avoid placing any unintended shame, blame or guilt. Acknowledge their achievements to date and remind them of their strengths to encourage them to push past this hurdle and continue actively engaging in recovery.
SELF-CARE
In order to be in the best possible place to take care of your loved one, you first need to take care of yourself. Given the restrictions we’re faced with, your self-care options might seem limited but it could be as simple as taking yourself out for some fresh air, calling a friend, or having a hot bath. It is not uncommon for carers to report feeling guilty doing such things but by taking steps to ensure your own wellbeing, not only are you enhancing your capacity as a carer to support your loved one without becoming too easily overwhelmed, you are also modelling to them the importance of self-compassion.
Whilst Action Mental Health’s offices are now closed for Easter (re-opening 20th April), our team continues to provide help and support to clients who need us, at this time, right across Northern Ireland.
If you are in crisis please contact Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 or by Textphone on 18001 0808 808 8000, trained counsellors are available by phone 24/7.
You can also access support by contacting Samaritans on 116 123 or Childline on 0800 1111.
If you would like to find out about our counselling services and how to access counselling in the future, or make a referral, you can do so by clicking here and we will respond when we re-open.
You can also find lots more helpful information on ways to support your mental well-being throughout this website.
Clients at AMH New Horizons Fermanagh are being supported during the lockdown with the help of a comprehensive support package, being delivered to their doors.
Staff at the Drumcoo service, had been considering ways of supporting clients during the annual Easter closure, but when the impact of the coronavirus pandemic shut the centre prematurely, they put their heads together to co-ordinate an extensive outreach during these unsettling times.
Service Manager Caroline Ferguson, explained: “Staff felt it was important to connect in a more personal way with clients before our usual Easter break, and we agreed that each one of them would receive a personalised activity pack, which would be hand-delivered to their door via our service buses. These deliveries will go out to more than 70 of the most vulnerable people across the county.”
In preparation, staff had been identifying the best possible materials for each client, targeted at their particular interests, as well as a useful information pack on dealing with Covid 19, including AMH MensSana guides on looking after their mental health, plus information on local support groups, organisations doing deliveries, foodbanks and similar resources.
Clients at New Horizons Fermanagh, who have been involved in a range of creative art courses, funded through the Public Health Agency’s Life Skills project, will also be provided with materials to continue working on their projects while the service remains closed. Participants are receiving wool, knitting needles, recipes, crochet hooks, novels, jigsaws, colouring-in materials, to support their progression through the course.
Clients at the Fermanagh service have also been working on an ambitious ceramic project – also funded by the Public Health Agency – focusing on the celebration of women and environmental issues. To continue this, clients will take delivery of clay, to encourage their sculpting skills, and when they return to New Horizons, their artwork will be fired in the Art Department’s kiln, and will all contribute to a larger, collective piece of art.
Caroline continued: “Clients are keen to keep up to speed on accredited training, and we want to provide an opportunity for them to continue with that, so they are receiving text books and training resources to support them at home.”
“We very much appreciate the fact that we can get them out to the clients, who need it most to help them through this very difficult period. This connects clients to the service during this time, gives them a reassuring sense of doing something very familiar, and provides a great distraction from what’s happening with Covid 19.”
Mrs Ferguson added that the outreach initiative also served to support clients living in rural Fermanagh who did not have easy access to broadband internet services – clients who don’t have easy access to mobile phones, email, text or zoom.
Alongside the PHA-funded courses, the projects clients undertake at New Horizons are offered through the “Working it Out” project, which is part-funded through the Northern Ireland European Social Fund Programme 2014-2020, the Department for the Economy and the five NI Health & Social Care Trusts.
Two men in isolation due to the global coronavirus pandemic are using their time of enforced inactivity to keep fit indoors and fundraise for Action Mental Health at the same time.
Former international and Olympic rower, Derek Holland OLY and Daniel Logan, a novice rower, are both taking to their oars – on fixed machines during the lockdown – in proof that even when stuck at home, you can still help raise funds for one of Northern Ireland’s most vital charities.
The men will be taking different approaches to their own particular challenges, but each will test them to the limit.
Daniel, from Antrim, will attempt to row the English Channel on May 2 – equivalent to the length of a marathon, at a 26.2 miles – while Derek will undergo an erg test – rowing 2km in a goal time of seven minutes 20 seconds, on May 16. However shorter the distance, it’s no less a feat in terms of guts and endurance.
Daniel, 27, a father of one who is expecting his second child with his fiancé in August, chose Action Mental Health to benefit from his marathon row, stating, “Action Mental Health and cause is very close to my heart”.
Daniel Logan (left) with Aaron McClelland, owner of Evolve Gym, who provided the rowing machine after the gym was forced to close due to the coronavirus pandemic
Daniel admits he had ‘zero rowing experience’ before deciding on his rowing challenge, but began by training on a machine at his local gym, Evolve Health and Performance Gym, in Antrim.
But when Prime Minster Boris Johnston announced stricter measures on our movements, including the closure of many businesses, including gyms, Daniel feared his challenge might hit a dead end.
However, it wasn’t long before the gym stepped in to lend him a rowing machine – and so the training continues.
Daniel is combining his training with a 100 burpees (like jumping press-ups from a standing position) a day challenge, for every day of April. He is also road cycling to keep fighting fit ahead of next month’s big event which he expects will take between five and six hours to complete.
“I am doing this, not only because of my own previous mental health issues, but because of our statistics of mental ill-health in Northern Ireland,” he said.
“Before the lockdown I got up to 10k in a single training session and for a while there, I didn’t know what I was going to do since I couldn’t train at the gym anymore and because I don’t have my own machine at home. But then Evolve offered me one, so I was able to get back to it after a short gap. I plan to do it in one sitting, stopping only to hydrate.”
“I’d also like to pay tribute to the owner of Evolve gym, Aaron McClelland, who has gone above and beyond to facilitate my efforts.”
After one month, Daniel had raised £500 in sponsorship on his JustGiving page set up for the challenge.
Derek Holland, OLY, preparing for his challenge.
Meanwhile, Derek, who competed in the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, finishing fourth in the Lightweight Coxless Four, will be undertaking an erg – or ergometer test, to be live-streamed on Saturday, May 16.
Erg tests are used to compare rowers to other around the world, with the 2k row proving a blend of endurance and sprinting, which rowers say equates to a gruelling and painful challenge.
Father of three, Derek, is head of rowing at Enniskillen Rowing Royal Boat Club and a Geography teacher at Enniskillen’s Royal Portora School. He said the Covid-19 outbreak has resulted in his first break from rowing for decades.
“This is the first time that I have had a break from rowing for over 35 years. I have been coaching for the last 15 years, which has left me with little time to myself to stay active and healthy, as coaching, teaching and family take priorities.
“So, now that I’m not coaching I have set aside 90 minutes each day to start getting active again. I have set myself a challenge of doing a 2km race on the rowing machine and whilst doing it raise some money for Action Mental Health and also the RNLI. Action Mental Health worked with the club last year, doing workshops with the kids and the parents and it is a way of thanking the charity.”
Derek, originally from Dublin, said he hopes his pupils – children aged from 13 and 18 who he coaches at school – will tune in on the day to cheer him along, if not in person, but in spirit, from home.
“This would have been our busy period of racing that the kids have trained all winter for, so it’s very disappointing for them currently as it looks like no racing will take place this spring or summer.
“But keeping up the training from home will be good for them as it continues the structure and will also help their mental health, as they understand and come to terms with the current situation we find ourselves in.”
Derek is mindful that many people may be finding the current pandemic difficult, financially, but is hopeful of raising £1000 for Action Mental Health.
If you have access to a rowing machine and would like to follow the pair’s example and keep fit indoors during these unprecedented times, let us know at [email protected]. We’d love to hear from you.
April is Stress Awareness Month and it comes at a time when we all may be feeling more stressed than usual.
As the world struggles to cope with our ‘new normal’, of social distancing and isolation, restricted movement, home-schooling, cancelled exams, pandemic-related unemployment and everything else, many of us are living in the grip of stress.
We may be stressed due to the fear of catching coronavirus on our grocery run, or reeling from losing out financially due to lost employment, feeling the separation from family and friends acutely, and some of us may be fearing for a loved one struck down by Covid-19. Even the lack of a daily routine will cause stress enough for many people.
Stress affects us in myriad ways and can result in irritability, mood swings, affect our appetites and can cause insomnia and disrupted sleep patterns and lead to uncomfortably tense bodies and tension headaches, plus many more.
In situations like these unprecedented times of uncertainty – with frightening news headlines – it could be easy to turn to coping mechanisms like abusing alcohol or other similar unhealthy means.
However, our dedicated teams from AMH MensSana have been busy curating the best advice available to help you through this difficult period, on dealing with stress, anxiety and social distancing, while AMH Works offers tips on getting the best out of working from home. We have also collated tips on encouraging a positive outlook throughout the pandemic, from embracing The Five Ways to Well-Being, talking to children about the global situation, and even specific advice, from AMH everyBODY, on helping people with eating disorders cope with the day to day upheaval of life in our current circumstances.
We thought it was time for some fun art therapy for kids (and grown-ups too!), so we’re launching The Big Northern Ireland Easter Egg Hunt. Just print off our handy template, or design your own egg pattern and colour it in – using paint or coloured pencil – and place it in a window facing your street. By Easter, we hope to see lots of eggs while we’re out for our daily walk! Remember to tag us as well @amhNI #AMHEasterEggs
